| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2007|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
im a little pissed off, but theres more important things
my grandpa was in the hospital for about 5 days. he told my uncle how much he misses grandma.. we all do.. and that he wasnt feeling well after he called my mom who was going out of town to tennessee with me for the weekend. my mom did not need that.. to leave him. she had to leave my grandma one week before she died. i felt so insanely bad. grandpa misses gradma so much, when youre a widow, thats how it is. that wasnt the reason he was put into the hospital but i'm convinced that mental health affects physical health. he has kidney failure, which people die from all the fucking time. i dont want to have to deal with another fucking worry like the ones i last had. i miss my grandma so fucking much, and sean for that matter. me and my mom think about my grandma all the fucking time. i know she does. she knows i do. me and my mom talk about her a lot. we talked about st pattie's day, which i was selfish enough to leave her to hang out with friends, what a dumbass. she gave me her jewelry, and i asked why, and she continued to say, "i don't know how much longer i'll be around." i will never forget this talk with her because hearing those words of doubt were so fucking hard to hear. i remember that day like it was yesterday. she couldnt talk. she tried to tell me she loved me and that was enough. i miss her. i miss her so so so much, and its hard. now im scared about my grandpa. i know this feeling and i know where it's from. i'm worried for my family, and i'm worried for him. i don't want to think so negatively but how can you help it? he needs dialysis, which means that his body cant get rid of its worst fluids. a machine needs to do it for him. maybe this will help his kidneys function again? |
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